How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

*loophole*

and then I realised the pedals are for your feet.

They called themselves The Weezers

You'd get Jurasskicked.

A Chinese peasant, some centuries ago, happened upon a man he knew who was wearing a *cangue* \-- a large wooden collar put on criminals which, among other things, meant they could not bring their hands to their faces and so were dependent on the mercy of strangers to allow them to eat and drink until their sentence was over. "Li!" he exclaimed. "Why have the judges put a *cangue* upon you?" "Oh," said Li, "because I picked up a piece of old rope in the street and walked off with it." "But surely they have not put you in the *cangue* simply for taking away an old piece of rope?" the peasant asked. "As to that," Li admitted, "it happened that there was an ox on the other end of the rope."

Nor should they, if they wish to remain accurate 😤

I drive it like it’s stollen.

The first broker said, “I’m doing so badly I should invest in my own failure.” The second broker said , “ Don’t do that, failure is not an option. “

I was sitting in the Nordstrom bathroom stall and had just sat down when a voice in the next stall over said “Hi! How are you!” Embarrassed, I said “I’m fine.” The voice continued “So what are you up to??” I said, “Just sitting here like you.” Then the voice said, “Can I come over?” Thoroughly annoyed and somewhat alarmed at this point I said, “Sorry, I’m kind of busy right now.” Then the voice said loudly, “Sorry I’m going to have to call you back - there’s some idiot next to me answering all my questions.”

A waist of time (Insert rim shot here)